Bam! Pow!

No Hope for Our Youth

The Penguin Menace Rears Its Ugly Head Once More, by Chester Manly


Tomorrow morning, hundreds of Midwest City’s brightest and most malleable minds will wake up and be devastated by what they hear. The Mall of the Midwest is closed.

This haven for our youth was shut down by one of the most flagrant acts of vandalism our city has ever seen. Less than a day after our city entrusted the small group of supers – I hesitate to call them heroes – with the key to our city along with a large sum of money, they return the favor by desecrating one of the most important tool we parents have to keep our kids off the streets, out of gangs, and off of drugs: shopping.

On top of that, these supers caused damage valued at three times the amount of money the city gave them. From what the authorities have been able to deduce, it appears as if the vandals rappelled into the mall through the skylight and left a senseless trail of devastation as they fled from the scene. Due to the randomness of the destruction caused by the “Rampaging” Penguins the authorities have been unable to ascertain any specific motive. The vandals uprooted and de-potted most of the vegetation in the main concourse, broke numerous store windows, and tore out piping and wiring and demolished tables and chairs in the food court.

While the police are still scratching their heads about reasons and motives, I believe the message is pretty clear. These criminals – and make no mistake, they are criminals – think that just because they have powers they are entitled to act like hooligans, taking what they want and throwing tantrums when they get angry. I believe fully the Charging Penguins, who were last seen heading for our power plant, are the greatest menace facing our fine city and I implore anyone and everyone to come forward and stand up to them.


Thanks to 1tu3fore for making this available.


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JonathonVolkmer JonathonVolkmer

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